Loss

There's something about the idea of death which fills me with terror yet is somewhat calming at the same time. The calming bit comes with the knowledge that we all die and I can't imagine wanting to live forever - even with the most fulfilling life. My issue with death is that it's permanent and one usually leaves loved ones behind. I cannot bear the idea of dying before I see my own children grow into adulthood - that is possibly my biggest fear.

In one week, my team has experienced three deaths. On Monday a colleagues partner of over twenty years lost his battle with asbestos related cancer. On this same day, another colleague had to face the unspeakable grief of turning off the life support to her week-old baby son, born only five or six weeks premature. On Wednesday evening, another colleague learned that her father had died suddenly earlier that day. The week before Christmas our team dealt with the death of one of our long term clients, just sixteen. Through each one of these events we shared the quiet shock and after a bit someone would nervously say "well it can't get any worse" or "it can only get better from here".

We have stopped saying that aloud.

The past week has made me squeeze my children so hard that my son told me I was going to squish his dinner back out. I have had many a sad, reflective moment not just at the funeral but all over the place. It has made me stop and take stock of what I do have - which in the past few months I have not appreciated as much as I know I should have. Healthy family. Enough money to get what we need. Lots of laughs. People I can call at 2am, knowing without a doubt they would get in the car and come right over if I needed them to.

People can be gone so suddenly and unexpectedly. Love your people.